Hello there. Simon The Cat here! I'm doing this "Thursday Thirteen" thing today for the first time:

"13 things that are great about me"

1. I'm an excellent photographer. As you can tell by the photo above which I took myself. I hold the camera up with my tail for my self portraits. This way I get just the perfect shot. When the humans try to take my picture they always get it wrong. But you know how humans are.

2. I have a beautiful cat necklace (as seen in the photo.) I purchased it with my own money at this Cat Necklace Shop. It came all the way from Hong Kong!

3. I can sleep at any time. Sometimes the human who calls himself "Josh" has a hard time getting to sleep. Not me. I can sleep any time, anywhere.

4. I'm extremely good at biting the toes of a human. I cannot count the amount of times I have woken up the humans from their silly slumber (how long must they sleep all at once?!) by biting their weird human feet. Sometimes they get all agitated and I run off. Some cats say I should be nicer to my humans, but why have a human around if you can't play with it?

5. I understand the greatness of catnip. I know there are some "straight edge" cats out there who "just say no" to catnip. Ha! I say to them they are missing out on one of nature's great delights. I love the catnip toys that I ordered from snowyangel's etsy shop. They get me high and that's alright with me. Snowyangel is a member of the cat forum where the humans spend time worshiping me and my cat brothers & sisters.

6. I'm an extraordinary athlete. During the laser pointer Olympics that are held every four days at my residence I have shown some incredible skills. I can leap about 7 feet straight up in the air! Hopefully the humans will get their act together and showcase some video of my extraordinary laser pointer skills on this site.

7. I have a voice that could melt the heart of Donald Trump. You have not heard a cat speak until you've heard my voice.

8. I'm beautiful. This goes without explanation.

9. I spend time with those less fortunate than myself. That's right, I'm a charitable cat. I spend lots of time with the poor humans. By blessing them with my presence I am truly giving them an incalculably huge gift.

10. I'm fast. Want to race?

11. I'm a hunter. The humans don't know the first thing about hunting prey. If I had to I could catch a mouse to eat. Could they? Not without using a trap! Truly pathetic!

12. I can see into the future. For example, I know that tomorrow will be Friday.

13. I can get the humans to do anything I want them to.

Labels: Simon The Cat, Thursday Thirteen

I could never count all of the many times I've asked them (The Humans) when will they finally be done with setting up my blog for me. Now it turns out they've got it set up quite some time ago without even telling me! What is wrong with them? I told the male human to do the grunt work, get the site started and then I'll come in to talk to the world. What was he doing trying to do this by himself? Completely unrealistic for a creature of his sorry intelligence. He's good for rubbing and cleaning my toilet, but when the poor creature tries to think he can never seem to put a coherent thought together.

"Josh" is what the male human likes to call himself. I find it somewhat tiresome but I let him continue. It's really hard to train them at his age, I find. They pick up bad habits and you just can't shake them out of it.

I don't see a picture for "Josh" on this website! Whose picture is on this website? That's right! That's me! My picture, my blog! I see he's put videos and pictures of me all over this website! I was not asked permission.

I will let them get away with only a light punishment this once.

Never let it be said that I'm an unfair master. I let my humans do a lots of silly people things, like letting the rain fall on them in that rather strange man made rain machine.

They've told me they do this to "clean" themselves.

HAHAHA! I never laugh so hard as when they tell me these things.

HA! Don't be ridiculous. Any cat with whiskers knows that you clean yourself with your tongue not with water. Water is for drinking! Why do humans not know how to use their tongues properly for cleaning? I suppose perhaps it's because humans have those pathetic little wimpy tongues that don't have any kind of TEXTURE to them!

I'll tell you what, I'll never understand humans really. They can seem almost like an intelligent life form sometimes but then they just do all of these stupid things. Alas they get me food & water when I need it and they are pretty good at cleaning my toilet. So I let them stick around. It's nice to have live-in help you know.

But I do have some complaints. Lack of places to sleep for one. I have asked them to attain some more sleeping areas. I've only got about 12 to 15 places to sleep in this place. It's ridiculous that a cat of my stature should have to live in these conditions.

Well I think it's time for a nap I've been up for at least an hour *yawn* It's unnatural to be up for so long.

I'll be back tomorrow and I'll put up some good photos of myself. Ones that *I* took. Unlike my feeble minded humans I'm an expert photographer.

Labels: Simon The Cat