The Queen of the castle becomes frustrated and submits her complaint for review.

By Nicholas Kenney

Hi. My name is Miss Shannon Kenney-Cat, and I'm here to lodge a complaint.

It's about my folks. I just don't know where else to go. I mean, I've tried all of the usual stuff: growling, hissing, slapping, and the old classic standby "if looks could kill." No matter how much I try, nothing has worked, and I'm desperate!

You see, my folks (whom I dearly love, most of the time...), recently brought home three abandoned bratty furballs. Now, I'm a reasonable cat, but for petessake, this is my house and I'm not sharing! It's not my fault they don't have anywhere else to go. They do, however, need to go somewhere other than here.

It's a nightmare around the house! I wake up in the mornings, and there they are, on my dining room table. Or eating my food. Then there's the unthinkable, I'm almost too ashamed to mention it, using my litter-box! Oh, I don't know how much more of this I can take. Would you believe it? They actually expect me to play with them. I scoff at such nonsense! I wish you could see it... they'll prance up to me sideways and slap me upside the head, and think it's funny. It is so degrading.

Cat manners? Such deplorable behavior! A proper cat knows not to ever beg from attention from humans. It's just so uncouth! Yet, I hear them all throughout the house, all day long, "pet me, pet me!" I just cannot take it another minute!

Now that you see my predicament, I'm hoping very much that you will be able to help me. Could you, I don't know, maybe talk to my folks about all of this? Isn't that what you humans do, is just talk to eachother about things?

Just tell them that my patience has vaporized and that I deserve to be the only cat in the house because I am the Queen. Thank you for taking a few minuts to listen to my most humble please. This is all I have to say.

You may now go back to you dreary human lives and exist peacefully.

Sincerely,

Miss Shannon Kenney-Cat